Champagne High
by lily-uzumaki23
Summary: He wondered where he would be when he stopped wondering why, if he ever stopped wondering. Why did they have to go down like this? They had been so blissfully happy before the storm had hit. AkuRoku, R/S on the side. Two-shot, OCC-ness maybe? R/R please
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **He wondered where he would be when he stopped wondering why, if he ever stopped wondering. Why did they have to go down like this? They had been so blissfully happy before the storm had hit.

**A/n: **This story is pretty much angst until the end. One of my good willed reviewers, XxDrEaMcHiLdxX, sent me a private message a long time ago, asking if I was okay. Truth is, I've been dealing with a lot of shit these past few months so, no, I'm not okay. I'm getting better, but I'm not okay.

She suggested I write a story where I could release all of my pent up emotions. This is what came out. It's a two-shot, this chapter's really short, the other one is longer. The happenings of this story do not in anyway relate to anything that's been going on with me. I greatly appreciate XxDrEaMcHiLdxX's concern for me, though. I will be eternally grateful to you. Thank you very much!

**Disclaimer: **SquareEnix and Disney own the characters. I own nothing…

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**-|-**

**Champagne High**

**-|-

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**

They had told him that it was a bad idea. He was young, he needed to enjoy life more, but he wouldn't listen. It was his own fault, really, for caring so implicitly when he usually _never_ did. He'd always had his reasons not to trust people, not to give them benefit of the doubt and he blamed _him. _

_He_ had changed who he-Roxas Nakamura was.

Roxas had grown up in foster care. He had lived a normal childhood despite living with 11 other kids in the same house and sharing all but one bathroom down the hall. He got picked on the most, his smaller-than-average frame making him an easy target. Though it was all pretty harmless, he'd learned early on to keep his distance from those looking to instill damage in him. He could smell them a mile away sometimes.

But even he never saw Axel Hokkaido coming.

Their love had been like a whirlwind, powerful, spinning out of control with all these enrapturing emotions that had them flying high, beautiful in its own eccentricity and leaving nothing but destruction in its wake once it wilted.

He'd been consumed by the happiness it brought to him. There weren't many things in his life that filled him the way Axel did. So blind was he that he'd believed what they had was untouchable by harm or pain.

He was a fool.

He wondered where he would be when he stopped wondering why, if he ever stopped wondering. Why did they have to go down like this? They had been so blissfully happy before the storm had hit.

With that last thought in his mind, drying the moistness in his eyes with the back of his hand roughly, the blond lump in the queen-sized bed succumbed to the fake darkness he'd created within his room, made out of dark curtains and anything that might produce light completely shut.

It was a cold November morning. He'd been sleeping all night and pretty much all day the day before but he was dead tired anyway. He wasn't hungry and there wasn't a will in him to live today, just like the past few days.

He was completely unaware that this same ritual had been going on for a month and a half now.

**-|-**

"How is he?"

A man with fine silver hair and beautiful aquamarine eyes entered the Nakamura residence. It was a small and cozy loft at the heart of downtown New York that gave off a homey feeling as soon as you crossed the threshold. Though few newyorkers in the area would willingly live in such low-budget circumstances, it perfectly fit the artists that resided in it. It was as much as they could afford and near all the places they needed to get to in order to get by. It was comfortable-enough.

The other resident of the loft looked up from the current painting he was working on by the wide window of the "living room," which really was an open, furniture-less space through which pieces of art in progress laid scattered. His eyes, even his hazelnut spikes of hair seem to droop in sadness.

"Not good."

The silver haired man let out a tired breath.

The Nakamura brothers and Riku had been friends for close to two years now. They had met at auditions held in a local bar called "Seventh Heaven." Roxas needed the money to pay for his college expenses and Riku had put together a band to take care of the entertainment of the bar that was missing a lead.

Though Roxas had fit the mold quite perfectly, it had been love at first sight for Riku and Roxas' twin brother, Sora, who had floored Riku the moment the usually stoic and indifferent man had set his eyes on him.

The rest, as they say, was history. Roxas got the part, hands down and Riku, eventually, got the guy. It was a hard fought battle but one he was proud to have won nonetheless. Sora had turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him.

It was at "Seventh Heaven" that Roxas had met the lengthy teen with red ruby hair spiked down to his shoulders and emerald jewels for eyes that would later capture his heart, break it, mend it, break it again, gather what pieces were left, put it back together, and finally keep it to himself.

A year ago, Tifa, the owner of the bar, had been looking for another band to fill in for Roxas the days the spiky haired boy in his late teens wasn't able to work due to school. Axel's band was not bad at all. Though the heavy metal genre was not what she was looking for, they did have that something about them.

She'd hired them making a few requests herself before letting them play live. One, the leads of each band were to meet on Mondays so they could arrange their schedules for the week and decide who would play when since they'd be sharing the stage and equipment. Two, Roxas was in charge of giving Axel a list of the songs allowed to be performed in Seventh Heaven at their Monday meetings so Axel's band could practice before their live performances were due.

Axel had accepted. With how different his schedule was to Roxas' it was easy to fit each other's bands into the allotted spots Tifa gave them without disagreements. The only thing Axel had asked for was Thursday nights since it was the nights his band performed at the heavy-metal pub around the corner. That wasn't so bad to Roxas who had managed to arrange his classes in a way that he could have Fridays off. It worked perfectly.

Working with each other's schedule meant memorizing each other's schedule pretty much. It wasn't long before Axel began using this to his advantage, popping out of nowhere on the blond when he least expected it with a seasalt slushie (the one thing Roxas couldn't turn down; he was addicted to the salty-dressed-as-sugary treat), a lunch proposal (that Axel liked to play off as a coincidental "I'm here, you're here, hey let's have lunch" sort of event though he always conveniently had lunch for two in hand), or just a plain 'walk-you-to-class' offer (in which Roxas kept futilely trying to out-walk Axel. Axel never got the hint his company was unwelcome, if him jogging up to his side to catch up with him every time was any indication). Something about the blond had intrigued the redhead the moment he'd set eyes on him.

Roxas had found this annoying, of course. He wasn't stupid, he knew he was being courted and he found Axel's attempts at hiding the fact that he was trying to woo him irritating at best. Like always, he remained unfazed.

Those that knew Axel, however, _knew_ that the difference between him and everybody else was boldness and persistence.

Roxas had agreed to help Tifa with bar duty on a night his schoolwork wasn't burdening him too much, also a night when Axel had his shift. The redheaded teen's shift was just coming to an end when he'd pretty much bellowed the words:

"Roxas Nakamura, you sexy beast! Please go on a date with me!" for the whole bar to hear.

More of an apology for the broken nose that Axel sported later that night, Roxas agreed.

Their date turned into dates and they were all out of this world. From surfing, to rock climbing, to water skiing, to mountain biking, to hang gliding, to bungee jumping, they somehow always ended being the most fun that Roxas had ever had.

The blond had to admit, he hadn't known of his adventurous side and if it hadn't been for Axel pulling it out of him, he doubted he would've ever found out. But he enjoyed this type of stuff, maybe because he was with Axel. The redhead's company just felt so strangely comforting to him.

Axel was an attractive guy, Roxas came to acknowledge with time. Not that beauty was what he looked for in order to declare himself attracted to someone, but beauty aside, the redhead had an appeal about him. He always knew how to make him laugh. That, in itself, was an accomplishment.

Not that Roxas was the humorless kind of person (though his friends would strongly differ). There were just very few things he was able to get a laugh out of. Axel seemed to know those 'very few things' without him telling him anything.

When they officially got together, they both knew they had met their match.

Riku peeked over his boyfriend's wild spikes of hair, at the current painting he was applying touches of color to.

"I made waffles," the painter said distractedly, tracing long diagonal lines on the canvas laid on the wood stand before him with his paintbrush.

"Has he eaten anything?" Riku asked and Sora knew who he was asking about.

"He said he wasn't hungry--"

"Sora." The tone was reprimanding. "He hasn't been hungry for the past four weeks and a half." Sora turned away from the painting now.

"I can't force-feed him, Riku."

"Well not force-feed him but…make sure he at least eats something." Sora pressed his lips into a sad and thin line.

Up until six weeks ago, his brother had been happy. Sora hated to see him destroyed like he was now. He still didn't get why Axel had done it. He'd known his brother's boyfriend--or at least he _thought _he had--enough that he couldn't see him pull a stunt like the one he'd pulled without a reason. A real _good _one.

Axel was many things, but one thing Sora had known for certain was that he'd been head over heels for Roxas. Who in their right mind would start a Saturday night performance at a crowded, couldn't-fit-another-soul Seventh Heaven, with a song dedicated to the person they loved more than life? When both were guys, some discretion was always advised. Not everyone took well to the idea of homosexual relationships.

Tifa had almost killed him, if it hadn't been for the fact that Axel had somehow managed to make the whole bar fall in love with him and Roxas by singing an off-kilter, acapella version of Bob Crewe's 'Can't Take My Eyes Off of You' at the top of his lungs while kneeling before Roxas on one knee. People had even joined in to sing along! Leave it to the crazy redhead to pull off something like that and get away with it!

Dedicating one song to each other on Saturday nights became popular demand before it became tradition. The place would always fill more than usual, regulars awaited the show and Roxas, though utterly mortified at the beginning, had ended up going with the flow.

That's how things with Axel and Roxas were. Axel was always able to lure Roxas into doing things Roxas wouldn't otherwise do, all in the name of love. Roxas was never convinced in the beginning, but the end results always made him blissfully happy.

That's how the whole "marriage" thing started. It all seemed so heartbreaking now.

"He'll be fine." Riku leaned in, capturing his boyfriend's lips in a soft kiss.

"Is it bad that I don't hate Axel despite of what he did?" Sora asked softly. Riku's expression sobered at this.

"If there's one person completely justified to kill the asshole, it's you Sora. He ran away--"

"I know--"

"Hours before getting married to your brother." Riku finished despite Sora's intended interruption. "All he had to do was show up and sign the partnership papers. He couldn't even do that." Sora bit his lip sadly at this.

"Maybe something happened to him."

"Axel has never been one for commitment." Riku stated solemnly. "We've known it since we met him. Just--can we not talk about it?" Sora nodded sadly.

"Eat before it gets cold." He turned back to his painting.

Riku sighed. He knew Sora still had a soft spot for the auburn-haired dickhead. _He_ didn't. To him, Axel was nothing but a coward who'd caused his friend a world of pain, something Roxas didn't deserve.

Having been friends practically their whole lives, Riku knew how hard it was for Roxas to let people in. He didn't trust easily and the fact that Axel had taken that for granted was infuriating to say the least. He wanted to kick his ass. He wanted to cause as much pain to Axel as he'd caused Roxas.

He knew people deserved second chances, after all, he and Sora had had their instances and they wouldn't be together if they hadn't decided to give each other another chance. But some things were just impossible to forgive sometimes…

**-|-**

Minutes, hours, days, weeks, they all seemed to blend together into a smoggy blur to Roxas who found himself at the end of Fall semester before he knew it, on a leave of absence from work and pushing through the much dreaded cumulative finals his major demanded. In the end, he managed to just scrap by with a 3.5 GPA exactly.

Albeit numbly, he got through Christmas celebrations and New Years' parties hosted by Tifa at the bar. Thankfully Tifa hadn't asked him to perform. He could feel himself going through the motions, as if he were having an out-of-body experience while still awake, trying to pass off as a living being though, in reality, he was dead to the world.

Sora and Riku had taken notice but decided not to say anything. Pointing out that he looked like he'd had better days would only be stating the obvious and also be just plain cruel.

They knew Roxas was having a tough time getting over Axel and wished they could do something to help him cope. But ever since the incident, Roxas had closed up to everyone, even his brother, whom he usually trusted with his life. There was no getting him talking and after some time, Sora and Riku had desisted from trying.

Spring semester looked less promising to the blond. He had started the academic term hoping to run into Axel and say everything he needed to say, the anger he had pent up enough that he felt nauseous sometimes, but the redhead was gone without a trace, his whereabouts unknown to even those closest to him.

His band was forced to find another lead. They continued playing at the heavy-metal bar though they retired from Seventh Heaven out of respect to Roxas. Even so, they had remained friends.

It was when Roxas got his Spring semester grades back that the fact that he needed to forget about Axel and get back on his feet finally hit home for him.

He had gotten low scores in two of his major courses, product of sleeping so much when he was supposed to be studying. Though he refused to explain his situation to the Dean, so to keep his scholarship, Riku had spoken to the man for him and the man had ended up granting Roxas a chance to make up those two classes during the summer so he could earn his scholarship back.

Though Roxas kept wanting to be mad at Riku--he hated using rough times in his life as an excuse to failing classes, knowing lots of college students had it possibly worse than him and they weren't complaining--in reality, he couldn't be more grateful.

He poured all of his attention to his two classes in the summer, slowly but surely forgetting about the events that had taken place the past eight months, very slowly turning back into his old self.

Of course he knew that the past always had a way of catching up to you. He just never expected it'd be in the form of Axel Hokkaido showing up in town as if he'd never left…

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**End of Ch.1. **Chapter 2 next…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **He wondered where he would be when he stopped wondering why, if he ever stopped wondering. Why did they have to go down like this? They had been so blissfully happy before the storm had hit.

**A/n: **Continuation chapter…

**Disclaimer: **SquareEnix and Disney own all of the characters. I own nothing…

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-|-

**Champagne High**

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"What the hell are you doing here?" dirty blonde brows crinkled to form a frown.

Hayner was not at all happy to see Axel back after what seemed like close to a year without a sign that he was alive. What was he doing in Seventh Heaven of all places? As a former employee, the redhead knew that they had to fit in bar cleaning duty during the day somewhere in their already busy academic schedules, another of Tifa's requirements. Had Axel been hoping to stumble across Roxas in his stead?

Hayner, a member of Roxas' band and thus friend by association, had been to the "wedding." It had been held in a rather small and plainly decorated location. All of their close friends had been there, their families and last but not least, the priest as main witness, holding the partnership papers, waiting for the corresponding party to show up so he could thereby pronounce them an officially married couple.

Hayner by stood the disaster "the wedding" ended up being and a part of him couldn't simply put it past him and be on friendly terms with Axel as if it was history. He knew how hurt Roxas had been and it unnerved him to see Axel doing so well, standing there as if the atrocious events hadn't taken place at all.

"Good to see ya' too, kid." Axel took off his silver-framed shades and folded them, putting them away in the front pocket of the black leather jacket he was wearing. He took a seat on the barstool right across from Hayner, shrugging off his jacket to reveal a plain white cotton shirt underneath.

Hayner glared, drying a beer mug with the old rag they kept around to dry glasses and mugs, as the redhead made himself comfortable. There was silence for about a minute, Axel looking around the place with apparent nostalgia. Though it looked exactly like he had left it, something about it seemed…different, like he had outgrown it somehow.

"How are things?" Axel continued, mindless of the fierce look he was being subjected to.

"If you mean Roxas, he's all better now." Hayner put the beer mug down and grabbed another one, busying himself with drying it through completely. Axel's expression darkened.

"Straight to the point, I see," the redhead mumbled lowly, bringing his hands to the bar top and entwining his fingers, his eyes glued to them.

"You're an asshole," Hayner said with narrowed eyes and Axel looked up briefly before looking back down to his fidgeting hands.

"I deserve that," he said in a defeated tone of voice.

He wasn't dumb. He knew coming back here meant more insults than he'd ever hear in a lifetime. He was expecting physical abuse too, from an unexpected punch square to his jaw to a full out planned fistfight.

Truth is, there was no forgiveness for what he had done. He was well aware of that and he hadn't come here looking to be forgiven. He had come here to explain himself to Roxas before he let him go for good.

He knew the blond would never trust him, would never take him back after how things had gone down. All he wanted was for Roxas to know the truth. With that, he'd walk out of his life, he'd never hurt him again like he had done.

Roxas deserved an explanation and he wasn't going to do it through a letter or over the phone. As the man he knew himself to be, he would own up to this. After all, he'd never loved anyone as much as he'd loved Roxas. What they had had been sacred to him and the least he could do to honor it was to give it a smooth ending.

"You deserve getting the shit kicked out of you!" Hayner exclaimed angered. "How could you Ax!? I thought you cared about Roxas! He was everything to you! Do you know what a mess you left behind!? I mean, seriously…"

Axel let Hayner rant, not really paying attention. He'd had 8 months to think about this. Did Hayner, or anyone who'd come reproaching his acts, really think he hadn't given this any thought?

The misery of it alone had made him sick. He'd turned into an insomniac, barely getting an hour of sleep at night and functioning through the day like a zombie. Having something so good forcibly ripped out of him had left nothing but a shadow of his former self alive. The real Axel hadn't survived the crash.

"…just…get out of here before Roxas comes in." The redhead heard the other say, finally finishing with everything he'd apparently had to say to him.

"Actually, I need to talk to him," said Axel calmly.

One of the things he'd made up his mind about before coming back here to talk to Roxas was that he would not engage in violent verbal or physical spats with any of Roxas' friends. He knew they would all be out to get him and, like he'd said before, he deserved it. He knew that. He would give them their chance to blow up on him but he would not retaliate, if anything, out of consideration to Roxas.

"What time will he be in?" Hayner narrowed his eyes at him.

"Like I would tell you," he said snidely. Axel tapped his fingertips to the countertop once before he lifted his arm to take a look at his watch.

"Fine. I'll stick around. It's not like I have anything else to do here." He ignored the murderous stare Hayner had on him as he grabbed his jacket and moved to the farthest corner within the bar, intent on seeing Roxas before Roxas had the chance to spot him.

Who knew what the blond would do when he saw him? The Roxas he'd left behind would walk up to him and punch him in the face until his jaw was fractured but just as he knew this experience had changed him irrevocably, it must have changed Roxas too.

He was threading dangerous grounds by staying here and surprising the blond but he didn't want to risk running into Riku and Sora going to his apartment, not yet. He wouldn't make it past them. God knew what they had planned out for him the moment he decided to run off and leave Roxas a broken mess behind.

He was better off risking it here…

-|-

Roxas snorted a chortle.

Axel…was here.

He kept repeating the fact in his mind, his eyes locked on the figure seating in one of the darker corners of the bar. Despite deciphering Hayner's announcement, despite his mind recognizing the redhead like it would recognize a bitter memory of the past, despite his heart racing with a contradicting frenzy of emotions, it still seemed so unreal to him.

He'd waited all this time for this moment, he'd formulated different courses of action to hypothetical scenarios similar to this one, and yet, all he could do was stare.

What was he doing here? How could he sit there so shamelessly, as if nothing had happened between them when he was the reason Roxas had been torn apart all this time?

Axel stared at Roxas from across the room unblinkingly. The place was crowded and yet it felt like they were the only two people there. He pressed his open palms against the table lightly. His fingers were trembling. He was freezing cold but he could feel the limbs clammy and sweaty. His heart felt like it was beating slower than usual in his chest and a foreign sense of vertigo was pulling a hole through his stomach, making him feel sick.

He still loved Roxas.

Roxas stepped on the stage to begin his Saturday night shift, guitar hanging around his neck, a darker than usual expression on his face.

"I know we've always played on tradition," he started through the microphone. Dull blue eyes ignored glinting jade ones, taking in the audience for the night instead. All regulars.

Eight months ago, they'd been here. They'd witnessed the news that he and Axel had gotten engaged. They had heard the songs they had dedicated to one another meant to substitute their wedding vows.

The blond stared down at his guitar for a few seconds before he looked back up again. He knew they were expecting him to apologize for not being able to carry on with the tradition any longer.

"And who am I to stop it? Axel's here--" loud cheering, howling blending in shrilling and unpleasant, interrupted him. Maybe a turnover was exactly what this night needed.

A sense of foreboding filled Sora at his brother's proclamation the second he'd heard it. He stopped working behind the bar altogether, _this is not good _repeating in his mind like an old mantra.

He shared a look with Tifa who'd just stepped out of her office in the back to assess the situation. She arched both brows while running a hand through her fine dark hair. She could feel chaos building up to a crescendo.

Hayner, with a guitar on stage, and Riku, behind the drum set, turned to each other, eyes wide. While Hayner knew this was going to be bad, Riku was wondering where the hell Axel was. The latter was going after him as soon as the song was done. He had a few things he wanted to say.

"This one's for Ax," Roxas announced with deadpanned sarcasm. "Like always, with _love._" He almost spit the word.

Roxas hit a few notes. Immediately, the other two knew what they were going to play. The bass guitar followed, the gentler tones followed by Roxas' rhythmic guitar sharper tones. Lips glued to the microphone, Roxas began.

"_I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you." _He glared at Axel, making sure he understood every word. _"I never thought it would hurt just to hear, "I do" and "I do" and I do a number on myself for all that I thought," _he smirked with sarcasm and mock disbelief. _"To be and you'll be the one who just left me undone by my own hesitation. And for the million hours that we were," _he licked his lips and continued. _"Yeah I'll smile and remember it all, then I'll turn and go. While, your story's completed, mine is a long way from done…" _

The audience was dead quiet, enthralled by the sight of Roxas coming undone. The blond chose to ignore the stares, speaking louder than words, saying they felt sorry for him. He'd stood up for them until now. He didn't want them, he didn't need them and he certainly didn't fucking appreciate them. What mattered was that Axel heard him out.

"_Well I'm on a champagne high, where will I be when I stop wondering why, on a champagne high. High…" _

"…_Spring turned to summer, then winter turned mean,_" Roxas expression sombered. _"Distance seemed right at the time, it was best to leave and to leave behind what I once thought was finally so real to me._" His eyes felt misty and for once he didn't complain about the fact that smoking was allowed within the premises. The fog the smoke created made the place even dimmer. Nobody would notice. _"And while I'm still gone on the quest for my song, I'm at your celebration…"_

The chorus repeated but Axel wasn't listening anymore. In fact, he had stopped looking, his bright green orbs glued to the table instead. It hurt. The words, what they meant, suddenly he didn't want to be here anymore. He hadn't come to harm Roxas and he never had any intention to. The fact that Roxas was treating him like he'd wanted to intentionally break him hurt. He never would have.

Despite of what he'd done to him, Roxas should've known better.

Their tradition was to openly show what they felt for each other through what they loved most: music. The fact that Roxas was using something that had once been so special to Axel, to both of them, to declare repressed feelings towards him made him feel lower than shit.

He still loved Roxas, but he couldn't help feeling that things between them were over for good…

-|-

The blond was seated on the railings that gave way to a small parking lot just behind the bar with his back to him, his small form slumped over as he rested his elbows on his thighs. Axel thought the pose gave his ex-lover a rather older appearance.

"Why did you come back?" Roxas asked in a small voice.

Axel approached him, the sound of his boots as they hit the concrete echoing in the silence of the still night. He rested his elbows on the railings next to Roxas' seated form.

He wanted to get to the bottom of this and he figured going after the blond after he was done pouring his heart out on the stage was the best way to go. He knew this was where Roxas was going to be which proved to be an advantage since he wanted to avoid everyone he knew that would be on him before getting to the blond. He had gone out even before Roxas had and waited until the blond had settled before coming out of the shadows.

It was a nostalgic sight. This was the place they always ran off to whenever they were having a spat that couldn't wait after work. Whatever it was, they solved it out here and got back to work.

"There isn't a minute I don't think about you, Rox." He said, straightforward, and Roxas hated the fact that a part of him was elated to hear those words. "I know I fucked up--"

"Yeah you fucked up!" Sapphire eyes swirled, consumed by rage. "You left me there, Axel! I waited three goddamned hours! You didn't call, you didn't even leave a fucking message! As if it wasn't enough that two gay teenagers were getting hitched, you pull a no-show!"

Roxas had yelled every word with bitterness and coldness and it was here that Axel was able to understand the extent of pain he'd caused the other man. It was here he realized an apology and 'I still love you' just wasn't enough. It was here he realized the damage his mistake had caused may very well be irreparable.

"It was humiliating," he heard the other sniffle and felt a small crack cut through the center of his heart. "Your mom didn't know what to say. She spent half of our time together hating me, blaming me for how you turned out. Even she was there, happy to see us getting married." He shook his head. "And you decide to make a fool out of me."

Silence followed the last statement, the kind that served to burn a wound to an already bleeding heart and let the pain really sink in. Axel suddenly found himself wondering if this was a good idea after all. He was sure his feelings for Roxas hadn't changed, intensified perhaps, but he wondered if love alone was enough to fix something as fragile as this.

Roxas was broken thanks to him.

Suddenly, this whole coming over thing seemed so selfish of him. He'd hurt Roxas beyond repair and now he pretended for Roxas to understand him? Who was he kidding?

"I don't know about you," Roxas started again. "But I really did look forward to the rest of our lives together. I liked us."

Axel felt the knot of guilt in his chest tighten, making breathing increasingly harder for him. He knew what he had to say though, now that he was here, he didn't know if he wanted to say it. He didn't know if he wanted to give the man that had loved him so unconditionally, the man he'd loved so unconditionally, a reason to walk out of his life.

Without Roxas, every day felt like something was missing.

"You deserve better than me." His low and steady voice disrupted the silence. Though his heart protested, deep within himself, he knew he was doing the right thing.

Roxas dared to look up at him, up close for the first time since they'd parted ways.

"I'm not good enough for you, Roxas, not to spend the rest of your life with." Roxas narrowed his eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

Axel let out a low and tired breath.

"You're the top in your class. You've got a good family and you've got good friends. I ran away from home when I was 13 and I dropped out of college after a year and a half of starting. Except for jobs like the one I had at the bar, I've got nothing going for me. Maybe right now that's okay because right now neither of us do. But four years from now, when you graduate and you reach new heights, you'll grow out of love with me."

Roxas made to talk but Axel continued before he ever could.

"You won't break things off with me, I know you won't, I know you." He insisted. "I'll become dead weight, a burden to you and sooner or later you'll start denying things to yourself so you can stay with me. You don't deserve being held back from what you can truly become. I will only hinder your future."

Roxas stared at him blankly before turning to stare into the darkness ahead. He wished Axel's words would hurt, it would make letting go and getting over him seem like the right thing to do. Axel had given him more reasons to cry over the past eight months than the lifetime without him ever had. Yet he couldn't bring himself to let them end just like that. Not for that reason.

He knew Axel, better than even the redhead knew himself sometimes. Axel was hard on himself. Being born to a family of great affluence that had had great expectations set for him from the beginning had done that to him. No matter what he did to make his parents proud, it was never enough.

He'd deviated from his parents' chosen path for him while still fairly young, Roxas knew this. His parents had gone as far as threatening to disown him should he not abide to their family rules. Even then, he did not budge.

Axel had been labeled the "rotten apple" of the Hokkaido family from that moment forth. Everything he did was frowned upon, including succeeding in things that were not what his parents had intended for him to do, like music had been.

Roxas knew the shadows of the past never truly disappeared and those forged by family were everlasting. Even when things between them had gotten better in time, Axel tended to see himself as a failure, especially when people were holding high hopes for him. In his head, his defects tended to outshine his attributes.

Hopping off the railings, the blond stood before the tall redhead somberly. Before Axel could react, he'd punched him square on the face and had sent him stumbling back until Axel fell on his ass.

"You forgot to think about me." Roxas spoke in a quivering tone, his anger barely controlled, while clenching his now painful fist. "I've always known what you're capable of, Ax, how amazing you can be. When you were with me, you could see it too, it's what brought you to me. I wouldn't have grown tired of that."

Axel stood rather swiftly, this new position leaving him standing closer enough to Roxas that he could see the pain in those dull blue eyes. The pain _he_ had caused.

Swiping the droplet of blood at corner of his lip with his thumb, and following with the tip of his tongue as if to ensure that Roxas had in fact split his lip, he let out a long and tired sigh.

He hadn't come here for this. He had come here to end things. For Roxas' future.

"It's not enough, Roxas." He said in a barely audible mumble. Roxas heard and he recoiled feeling the stab of pain thump in his chest. "I thought I could become enough for you in the long run but it doesn't add up. A million lifetimes playing at the bar can't change that. Better than me may not be what you want. But it's what you need--"

"It's not up to you to decide that," Roxas interrupted coldly. "Did you forget how happy we were before we decided to get married?"

Silence.

Axel swallowed thickly, memories of the two of them during the better days of their relationship reeling through his mind, working as makeshift balm against his already wounded heart. Their love had been so powerful he sometimes feared it would end this way.

"No." Was his reply and after standing there, staring at each other in darkness for seconds that seemed to last an eternity each, Roxas closed the small gap between them and loosely held on to Axel's hips that felt unusually thinner.

"This isn't heaven, Ax, this is life. You don't have to be perfect." He let his forehead rest against the other's chest gently, the smell of oak moss and lavender so distinctive of Axel filling his senses. "I was okay with you not being able to give me the world. I don't need it. It was enough, having you. It always was."

Axel's arms remained numbly at his sides. Until he felt Roxas embrace him fully around the waist. He cupped the back of the blond's head with one hand, pressing him in closer, while the other found shelter at the small of the other's lower back. Really, what could he say to that?

Roxas felt like a lost man that had found his way after hard months of futilely trying. Axel felt like he'd been defeated in the battle against himself. He had gained back everything that made him complete. The aftermath was blissful peace.

"I missed you." The blond whispered into Axel's white cotton shirt and felt Axel huff lifelessly into his golden spikes of hair.

"I missed you too."

They held each other in a comforting embrace that seemed to be slowly repairing all the damage they had taken.

"Why did we decide to get married again?" The blond asked after a long comfortable silence in a tired and unsure tone. Axel shrugged defeated.

"I dunno. You do crazy things when you're in love, Rox." He took a deep breath before saying what he was about to say. "I still want to marry you."

Roxas looked up at him.

"If you'll have me, that is." The redhead quickly added. He ran the back of his knuckles down Roxas' fine jaw line, the skin smooth beneath the back of his fingers, before cupping his face in his hands. When Roxas stood on the tips of his toes, he leaned over.

They kissed and earth and heaven collided, they were flying high, spinning out of control, dizzy with the frenzy of emotions that being with each other always evoked. The spell had been broken, the nightmare had ended, the trial to prove that they could stand the test of time had come to an end.

And they had survived.

"I still want to marry you too." Roxas whispered against his lips and Axel kissed him one more time.

"Let's do it…"

* * *

**End of Chapter 2. **I thought I would stop here so I could have a full lemon in the third chapter without going overboard on the length of this chapter. Please stick around. It should come out soon!

Oh! The info for the song performed:

**Song**: Champagne High

**Artist**: Sister Hazel

I don't own any of this. Thank you for reading!


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